Any Advice?

I'm wondering what is going on in my head lately. I'm inclined to chalk it up to plain old fear, but its more than that. I've picked up my novel and committed to starting in again. I let it go for over 6 months due to an insane class load in my Master's studies, and now its time to get back in gear. About a week ago, after a long talk with myself in my paper journal, I actually wrote out the commitment as a way of forcing myself to take action on it. Part of my hesitation was an uncertainty as to where to go with it.

I'm a character driven writer, and this novel evolved in a different way than any other. Soon, one person stepped forward and I became fascinated with her. Backstory came in bizarre, and sometimes overwhelming volume, and I know her story for the long haul. Thing is, I got to worrying over the lack of external conflict. Yeah, a lot is going on in her head, but will that fascinate anyone but me? There were four characters of note, all interesting, but again, the action seemed to be going in circles with little actual progression.

I've been on a study jag, picking up books on both the practice of writing, and on theory for my classes and such, some inspirational and some nuts and bolts stuff in the hopes of sparking something new. I've played with some exercises and now I'm finding new ideas and tangents that were obviously necessary but maddeningly AWOL before. It is going to mean some significant retooling of structure, down to the one novel is really at least three, because I was skipping over too much of the background, which was compelling. Without it, the reader just wouldn't care about Angel the way I do, and who wants to read about someone they don't care about?

All of this is positive, progress even in a stretched version of the word, but . . . And here is where I sat, stymied.

I have four huge notebooks full of writing for this novel (series of novels). And I was determined to push through a revision-less first draft. I wanted to get all the ideas and people onto the paper, all the scenes in my head and locations that I stumbled across in ink before I did any tinkering at all. But now, with these changes and additions, that just isn't feasible any more. There is too much on paper to remember all of what it is, and I'm going to introduce inconsistencies if I'm not very careful. So where does that leave me?

I have to stop and take the time to type all of material up, sorting it by scene, and tentatively now by novel, so that I have a clear idea of where I am, what I have, what I need and where to go to work. It's just that this process involves reading over my own work. I'm not good at that. I'm worried that the editor is going to kick into full gear and the creator is going to take a nap. I'm worried that what is on paper is really crap compared to what is in my head! (We all know it will be.) So, all this worrying has had one cumulative effect: nothing. Stalling. Cleaning my room for grief's sake! (One of my least favorite things to do, ever!) I've allowed other things to "come up" and prevent me from launching into what I know is the next step.

Today, I brought my laptop to work, and at lunch, I did it. I started typing. And some of it is indeed horrific! Some of it isn't bad at all. It's only three pages, but it is the most gripping moment that I could start with, and I have a hunch its the actuall beginning of the first novel. So, typing in process, and yes, I can't help but revise just a teeny bit as I go, fixing sentences that use the same word twice in different phrases, cleaning up some of the sloppy dialogue, etc. This is good. More progress.

Next step? First readers. Yeah, I managed to hold that off for a full 18 months, not even talking about the plot of the story to anyone. But I'm torn. Do I step out on the limb and let someone read the still very raw version, or wait and do a bit more polishing before I let anyone see it? I'm wanting some reassurance, really, that it is as gripping as I think it is, that someone else would indeed want to read more of the story. I have a couple people who I can trust to read it with sensitivity but honesty, the best possible mix for first readers, but still . . . I hesitate. Any advise from other writers out there?